Positive Psychology Tips

One of the most popular classes at Harvard University is a course called Positive Psychology, taught by Tal Ben-Shahar, which focuses on topics such as "happiness, self-esteem, empathy, friendship, love, achievement, creativity, music, spirituality, and humor". Last September I had the opportunity to hear Dr. Ben-Shahar at a conference where he summarized some of the current research on how to be happy. I wrote a Provision about that myself a couple of years ago that continues to be quite popular.

So what does current research recommend? Here's a quick summary as reported in the June 2009 issue of Consumer Reports on Health:

1. Count the positive. People who literally counted their blessings had a greater sense of well-being in several studies conducted by researchers at the University of Miami and the University of California, Davis.
   
2. Be thankful. People experience a better mood for up to a month after they gave a letter of gratitude to someone who had been kind to them.
   
3. Make friends. Chronic loneliness is associated with higher rates of high blood pressure, inactivity, smoking, and stress, according to several studies.
   
4. Volunteer. People who donated an average of four hours a week to good causes reported a greater sense of optimism, self-esteem, and sociability, a February 2009 Australian study found.
   
5. Focus on the present. Employees who participated in an eight-week meditation course based on mindfulness, or focusing on the here and now, reported less anxiety -- and brain scans showed greater activity in the region associated with happiness even four months after the course ended.
   
6. Follow your passion. Too often we "give up the things we enjoy and end up with a very thin life," says Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D., a psychology professor a Claremont on Graduate University in California. So identify what you love doing, or want to try, then do it.
   
7. Move. Exercise helps give you a sense of control and can ease depression as effectively as medication.
   
8. Laugh. That may reduce stress, help maintain a healthy immune system, and improve arterial blood flow.

Coaching Inquiries: How many of these eight are part of your life on a regular basis? Which ones would you like to pay more attention to? How could you develop some daily happiness habits? Who could you talk to clarify your thinking and make some commitments for moving forward?

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Sleeping Positions

A recent article on sleeping positions in body + soul magazine identifies the three most common, troublesome sleeping styles:

1. Sleeping on your side with arm under your head. Negatively impacts neck, shoulders, arms, and fingers. Fixes: Do shoulder stretches when you first wake up. Look for a pillow that fills the space between your ear and the outer edge of your shoulder when you're lying on your side. Also, sleep with a small pillow between your knees.
   
2. Sleeping on your stomach. Negatively impacts low back, neck, and lungs. Fixes: Stop sleeping on your stomach; it's the worst position for your spine. Switch to side sleeping with a body pillow if you can't learn to sleep on your back. Do side stretches and bridge poses when you first wake up.
   
3. Sleeping on your back with a big pillow. Negatively impacts neck, throat, and chest. Fixes: Do neck releases and lie flat on a mat on the floor with a rolled up blanket or towel placed horizontally under your shoulder blades when you first wake up. If you must have a pillow, make it as thin as possible.

So what's the recommended sleeping position for restorative rest? Sleeping on your back with no pillow. That keeps your spine in alignment, letting your body heal while you sleep.

Coaching Inquiries: What positions do you tend to sleep in? How could you get in the habit of stretching when you first wake up? What's keeping you from sleeping in the recommended position? Why not try falling asleep in that position tonight?

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Self-Compassion

There are many resources on the web regarding self-compassion. I like the website developed by Kristin Neff, Ph.D., an Associate Professor in the Educational Psychology Department at the University of Texas at Austin. Here is what Dr. Neff has to say about the three elements of self-compassion:

1. Self-kindness. Self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism. Self-compassionate people recognize that being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life difficulties is inevitable, so they tend to be gentle with themselves when confronted with painful experiences rather than getting angry when life falls short of set ideals. People cannot always be or get exactly what they want. When this reality is denied or fought against suffering increases in the form of stress, frustration and self-criticism. When this reality is accepted with sympathy and kindness, greater emotional equanimity is experienced.
   
2. Common humanity. Frustration at not having things exactly as we want is often accompanied by an irrational but pervasive sense of isolation -- as if "I" were the only person suffering or making mistakes. All humans suffer, however. The very definition of being "human" means that one is mortal, vulnerable and imperfect. Therefore, self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience -- something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to "me" alone. It also means recognizing that personal thoughts, feelings and actions are impacted by "external" factors such as parenting history, culture, genetic and environmental conditions, as well as the behavior and expectations of others. Thich Nhat Hahn calls the intricate web of reciprocal cause and effect in which we are all imbedded "interbeing." Recognizing our essential interbeing allows us to be less judgmental about our personal failings.
   
3. Mindfulness. Self-compassion also requires taking a balanced approach to our negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. This equilibrated stance stems from the process of relating personal experiences to those of others who are also suffering, thus putting our own situation into a larger perspective. It also stems from the willingness to observe our negative thoughts and emotions with openness and clarity, so that they are held in mindful awareness. Mindfulness is a non-judgmental, receptive mind state in which one observes thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them. We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. At the same time, mindfulness requires that we not be "over-identified" with thoughts and feelings, so that we are caught up and swept away by negative reactivity.

You can read a whole lot more, including 30 journal articles and book chapters, by visiting www.self-compassion.org.

Coaching Inquiries: What would assist you to be more self-compassionate? Who could you rely on as an empathy buddy? How could you more fully embrace the goodness life has to offer? How could you accept life from the posture of mindful awareness?

If you would like to learn more about our Coaching Programs and to arrange for a complementary coaching session, Click Here or Email Us.